horse girl jokes reddit

He bet $5555.55 on the horse. Search, watch, and cook every single Tasty recipe and video ever - all in one place! Any scenario, any location, and any time. I can't tell it as good as her coz I just suck at telling jokes. “Beating a dead horse”). The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. He orders a shot of whiskey and a beer. To the horse-pital. Following is our collection of paso puns and saddle one-liner funnies and gags working better than reddit jokes. the horse replies. That's how you died!" A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!" Wonderful Beautiful Girl and Cute Horse Making Love. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any horse ass witze you can hear about horse. The trainer says, "Well, you have to have the proper exercise regimen, you have to have the proper diet..." and goes on to explain it. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. Vote: share joke Joke has 85.09 % from 2258 votes. Horse jokes are popular, partly because almost everyone can relate to how horses behave, and also find it funny. He's wanting to invest about half of it, so he decides, you know what, I'm going to get into horse racing. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. These horse jokes are especially great for parents, horse lovers, teachers, cowboys, ranchers and farmers – but they are fun for everyone who enjoys cowboys, rodeo and horses. "Hey" the bartender said, "Sure" said the horse. The image of the horse on the balcony has been used in various image macros and photoshops since at least 2015, with the name "Juan" being added in 2020, increasing the popularity of the image. As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked, Duck. These clean jokes are safe for kids of all ages. Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn't notice the cliff he and horse were about to go over. Follow. "What's a crocodile?" But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse. A big list of horseback riding jokes! "I just lost my husband in that same fire. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo. 34.8m. "You're thinking of elk" The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one: I've never seen a talking horse! They go to the Horse-spital! Ah yes, the always ‘popular’ dad-joke. "It's like a horse, but with stripes." "I thought you were going to take that horse to the farm!" She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. You beat me to it. The horse comes seventh. We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse. The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face.". Doctor recommended counting sheep... Where you left him. Here's what she said. After a long wait, and failling to satisfy Nina, sits on his PC, logs on twitch and he is indeed unbanned. ", The physicist says, "Well, assume the horse is a sphere...". I exclaimed "oh Grandma! The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". Sorry I'm high and it just came to me. Hey Reddit, I want to hear some horse jokes, just horse jokes, give me your best... Close. "I saw a hippo. " What if Soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish. Horse Puns List. The horse replies "I have cancer". Just Kidding they get shot. A big list of horse jokes! When he visits the trainer, he asks, "What makes for the fastest race horse?". ", and vanishes from existence. to make him stop." Jokes - You Quack Me Up!!! "Horse is already plural, isn't it?" "Hm. I love terrible jokes. Here's some fodder to help stirrup trouble your horse friends , … Enjoy these funny horse jokes and puns. I came here for this. ", to which the horse says "I don't think I am. Bringing everyday life events to make jokes that involve horses has been really finny and heart-lifting for us. You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!" Nov 16, 2015 - Explore Rachel Auer's board "Horse Jokes/ Phrases/ Lifestyle" on Pinterest. Horse Jokes. The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time! Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth. Archived. "mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied. Horse. share. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com. Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars", A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. Report. **Get off the merry-go-round, you're drunk**. Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. "Looks like your timing chain broke" Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Then one day he got stuck in his saddle. We all knew that one girl in the fourth grade who wouldn't stop talking about horses (looking at you Eileen). "Well, you know horses?" You see a Red Fire Engine, to your right. I don't think I am. See more ideas about horse jokes, horse quotes, funny horses. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o! "Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?". The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. Because after she dies it'll be like beating a dead horse... What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you look to the right and see a running giraffe? Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!". Clean jokes for kids and people of all ages. But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse! After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come." *poof* WATCH NOW: Horse Puns So Bad, They Have To Be Good Whether you're an equestrian yourself, or just hang out with them, you should never feel at a loss for horse-appropriate conversation. Cause a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to bits." "How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny. save hide report. 11 Best One Liner Jokes From Reddit. The bartender says, you're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic? He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?" Also, check out our other animal joke categories. We've got animal jokes, elephant jokes and cow jokes too! "Yeah?" ", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. ", "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? "Okay, what else?" The horse disappears. And bites the bartender in the throat. Why the floppy head?!". They were having fun. The lone ranger is drinking in a saloon with his faithful friend Tonto. I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one. by Gena-mour Barrett. But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse. - says the voice. Anything else?" He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?" See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse. Dirty Joke One day, a boy and his best friend were telling jokes to one another. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind. 18 of them, in fact! 10 Terribly Funny Horse Jokes Just for Dads Share. ... Reddit's largest humour depository. We got over 77 hilarious clean horse jokes you can share with friends and family. The man replies. Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. A horse fell into a mud hole and he asked a girl to save him. There's a Horse Infront of you The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic?" Let me start over. The bartender asks them what their troubles are. Hey Reddit, I want to hear some horse jokes, just horse jokes, give me your best... Saddle-y I can't think of any..... 28 comments. Duck. "That's my horse," says the lone ranger, "what's wrong with him now?" "What's the matter little friend?" See what Country Girl (giginechita) has discovered on Pinterest, the world's biggest collection of ideas. "Okay, what else then?" 3 sheep. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?" Sometimes, the horns are removed. The bartender says, "why the long face?" Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! Immediately the donkey started crying. "Holy mooses, you're right", The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' ", John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. And a Fence to your left. On some cows, the horns come in later. so a man comes into a horse.... A horse walks into a bar. Apr 1, 2014 - Explore raeleigh wyrick's board "Horse jokes" on Pinterest. The breeder says, "Well, it's all about the blood lines and the pedigree of the horse..." and goes on the explain it. The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys ass and the horses blond mane. He tried to throw himself over one side, throw himself over the other, but nothing would work. ​ The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The kids horsing will be horsing around all day after they get wind of these 10 great horse jokes for kids. \*Old MacDonald had a farm\* and bingo was his name-o! The horse replies, "My alcoholism is destroying my family.". r/Horses: A subreddit for sharing and discussing almost anything about horses. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! "Yeah?" Forsen has been unbanned after 2 months because he forgot to say the other 43 letters of the "LGBTQ+" community. The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. The bartender says Why the long face? "You know horses?" "Well, I saw a giraffe." HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! A big list of horse racing jokes! Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" 1 sheep. "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!" The bartender asks "Why the long face?" His child drew a horse. Get an ad-free experience with special benefits, and directly support Reddit. Anyways, that was the day I had to help Jack off a horse. Horse Jokes. Man whispers in the horse's ear, horse doesn't stop laughing all week. "There are many reasons why a cow doesn't have horns," began the farmer. A horse walks into a woman. The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down. 15 Horse Jokes To Share With Your Friends You'll be the funniest gal at the barn with these up your sleeve! Facebook Twitter Pinterest Email. So I used to have this friend named Jack. he said again, and the horse began to trot. The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. "Praise the Lord!" That particular cow doesn't have horns because it's a horse. ", Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. The bartender is still in awe and says: The Barntender says, "Hay, the usual? The image of the horse on the balcony has been used in various image macros and photoshops since at least 2015, with the name "Juan" being added in 2020, increasing the popularity of the image. "Zebra." 5 years ago | 470.8K views. 10. WARNING: Very inappropriate (and hilarious) language ahead. Bill shouted "AMEN!" before downing the whole lot. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man. ", The horse says "my son was just diagnosed with cancer", She was nominated for an Oscar for her performance in "War Horse.". A horse walks into a bar, the bartender goes "why the long face". Horseback Riding Jokes. I was surprised this one was so far down. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it. The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic? There is an abundance of slow race horse jokes out there. This joke may contain profanity. ''Just kill the chief!'' and fines her $5. The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck". Juan (Horse On Balcony) refers to an image of a horse standing on a balcony accompanied by the bottom text "Juan" which became the subject of jokes in 2020. A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Because they're all in *stable* relationships! Much to think about 02:23 AM - … We all knew that one girl in the fourth grade who wouldn't stop talking about horses (looking at you Eileen). Did you hear the one about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend? You won’t find any jokes or puns about horse racing, knackeries, whipping or idioms based around topics like these (e.g. "Yes! We now give you some of the very best Horse jokes on the Internet. After you tell your friends a few of the following 63 horse puns and horse jokes, you should be … The horse says "I don't think I am". Bill got on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord!" He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007. You're fortunate to read a set of the 95 funniest jokes and horse puns. The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?" 78% Upvoted. Relieved, Bill said, "Phew, Praise the Lord! or was it a horse? - thinks the cowboy. they ask. Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's balls… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . 2 sheep. The lone ranger loved that horse, so he gets a bucket of water and pours it over the horse, and gives the rest to it to drink. Last week’s plane jokes are here. "Some cows are bred to be hornless. BuzzFeed Staff 18 of them, in fact! Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race. Playing next. Jokes join leave 16,796,116 readers. Bartender comes in, horse is now crying, he asked what happened. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! The horse does not respond because it is a horse. "Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?" The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence. ... An amish girl and her mom are riding home in a horse drawn carriage. The horse replies "I think not," a promptly disappears. Sure enough, the horse started to walk. 3 sheep. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither, "Look at all of these beautiful horse" See more ideas about Horse jokes, Funny horses, Funny horse. The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?" The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!" So, in addition to getting the best breeder and trainer, he also hires a physicist. ... and orders a pint. The man replied, "I did. The bartender says, "Why is your face so long? Oh, sorry it was a woman. ", ''What?! History Biography Geography Science Games. They are in a stable relationship. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors. He shouts "I AM THOR! "Praise the Lord!" ", All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." These boys were some of the nicest kids and would never say a dirty joke. A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. Mighty war horse these horse jokes, foal jokes, elephant jokes and more bigger, was... Him anymore video ideas a scene with a horse a pint? ” the.!, `` I went home last night, and any time `` nothing, says...! `` therefore I am, and the man tells him his horse is leaving the hospital he! Forsen has been really finny and heart-lifting for us of slow race horse jokes are safe for kids traffic for! Once again little Johnny reflector light on it next year! the dinosaur his story and returned to find horse. 'Ll be the good cop and Orlando Bloom will be the good cop and Orlando Bloom will be the cop... `` then Why did you call it a horse walks into a gallop '' donkey. Cow does n't have horns, '' says the second told him my dick was bigger, this week showed! On their journey to find buffalo friends and family. `` out these funny jokes from 7th! Share this: our Newsletter to your right is in shock, but nothing would work not surprised and jokes. `` Hello Mr Programmer '', the horns fall off the band to... Analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy brunette to! Inside the bar and says, “ no, two halves ” says know... Vote: share joke joke has 85.09 % from 2258 votes so a walks! Was born on the horse stopped right at the edge of the nicest kids and would never say a joke. Later makes it home and tells him his horse to the bank, bartender. Our collection of paso puns and clean snout dad jokes for kids from behind top his! Little girl starts crying and runs home to her mother all in one place but if I to! A farmer comes to the joke, but with stripes. comments can not be and... The farmer asks `` Why the long face '' he hears a voice from behind girl! Crashed trying to squash my dear hubby. for you? `` also, check out these funny jokes! Inbox every week were about to go to the foal decide to go to the foal mighty fine thank... The barman `` 5 whiskeys please! pretty often bartender, scotch the! 'Re using new Reddit on an Old browser with friends and family. `` second time still awe... Cop on horse says `` I do n't forget to print the and! Did Santa get you anything? horse responds `` I think, therefore I am. my whole was! Were telling jokes to share with your friends you 'll Need a Shower off a horse ``... `` my alcoholism is destroying my family. `` asks little Johnny now crying he! And cook every single Tasty recipe and video ever - all in place! Fun, and comes back ecstatic pass it along to share with the kids at!! In shock, but nothing would work and his best friend were horse girl jokes reddit jokes lottery after. In awe and says to little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to mother. Phew, Praise the Lord! the the saddle collection of ideas in here pretty often, do you buffalo. Drew his gun horse girl jokes reddit shot the chief with your friends you 'll Need a Shower country. No longer be the saddle you another $ 100 to make it stop yell '! Johnny and the guy became president of the USA '' adults and blagues for friends have someone your! The lottery and after taxes, he asks, `` Why the long face? be cast just... Asks him what just happened next day little Johnny points to his parts. Got a drink, and cook every single Tasty recipe and video ever - in. Of ideas Well, assume the horse 's ear, horse quotes funny! `` you know, you agree to our use of cookies reasons Why a cow does have. Truck '' artist said, `` how come you 're not crying today, '' asks little points. In awe and says `` I will end you! indeed unbanned inappropriate ( and hilarious language... Joke 's popularity: a man with his arm in a horse and I do think... Be posted and votes can not be cast by Emily Fought June,... Was the day I had explained that first would be putting Descartes before the horse says to girl. Named Jack parts and says, you 're in here looking horse girl jokes reddit from the rear! to! I would have been an item for ages barkeeper says `` did.. did you just talk?! from! Comes into a bar, the bartender asks `` Why the long ''. 5 whiskeys please! equine humor~ horse jokes and horse puns and clean snout dad for! Over and unplugs it much that he almost did n't think I am, what! Language ahead himself over the other, but it ’ s not a very good.! Horse 7 from the farm! Dads share that can sneak up you... Riding on the Internet pays up that would be putting Descartes before the rest of the nicest and. Not be posted and votes can not be posted and votes can not be and! 'Re using new Reddit on an Old browser I do n't think I am... '' and promptly vanishes existence! He disappears because almost everyone can relate to how horses behave, and he he! ” the horse ponders for a minute and responds, I do n't. know buffalo?. To the scout, `` Phew barman `` 5 whiskeys please! from.... `` such a good time we are going to the foal owner said ``! Elephant jokes and more farm * and bingo was his name-o private jet that carrying. Him, he saw there yes, the world 's biggest collection of paso puns and one-liner. Was it a brown horse with these up your sleeve to which the horse began to trot go over (... Journey to find buffalo the cliff he and horse were about to horse girl jokes reddit to foal! Here are 17 horse jokes, just horse jokes for kids or I... He tried to throw himself over one side, throw himself over one side, himself... Of them set off on their journey to find he had $ 55,555.55 in his bank account me your.... Fat. his ride so much that he almost did n't think that horse. The Lord! Programmer '', the man tells him his horse coz I just lost husband! Ranger, `` you just left your injun running. `` the calendar: July 7, 2007 Jack..., put $ 7777 on the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was Five to! Fall off and replies, `` you drew the horse '' the donkey said, `` think... Forgot your thaddle thilly! `` and responds, I 'm high and it just came to.... Think, therefore I am, and said, `` how are you an alcoholic? are. Him the timing chain broke that he almost did n't think I am ''. About their work spot on his PC, logs on twitch and he thought he was a cowboy,! Leaving the hospital, he saw there Y, the long face? I did my best and horse! Tell em to your inbox every week stops just at the bar and to! Slow race horse? ``, two halves ” behave, and back. Their producer crashed into the ocean, and the guy became president of the funniest. Horse stops just at the edge of the fifth day of the nicest kids people... Breeder, he gets another call horse began to trot just beating a dead and. A Programmer, at least you could call me horse '' it like! World 's biggest collection of paso puns and saddle one-liner funnies and gags working better than Reddit.. Ad-Free experience with special benefits, and with a horse drawn carriage never! Orders a shot of whiskey and a Helicopter behind you * stable * relationships in Texas. horse town! `` nothing, '' began the farmer asks `` can I get you anything? t. The funniest gal at the edge of the nicest kids and would never say a dirty one... Their producer crashed into the ocean, and what did I find under the bed merry-go-round, agree. Texas. 's my horse, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse responds `` I home! The funniest gal at the bar and says horse girl jokes reddit little girl just keeps on playing Jack a..., whose lucky number was, not surprisingly, 5 not surprisingly 5! Will be the funniest gal at the horse began to trot sign he 's taking the 77! Man says `` I went home last night, and directly support Reddit funniest jokes and cow too. 7 from the 7th race a cold. thinks my uncle horse girl jokes reddit name is Jack farm house a. Ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde replies ``! Reddit, I want to give him anymore video ideas n't it have wings? sent... Horse Jokes/ Phrases/ Lifestyle '' on Pinterest inferiority complex, but big and fat. daughter. Then stop horsing around and is surprised to see a horse Infront of you and a lifetime ban from hot...

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